Races Never Come Without Emotion

My 100% supportive mom and my after the race

Who would have thought that running could be emotional but I guess it makes sense. You spend 4 months planning for something that all comes down to a few hours. But even before that, you spend time thinking about and deciding if it is even something you want to sign up to do. For months you change what you eat, drink, wear and do for fun all for a few hours of time so of course it is going to be emotional. I just didn’t realize how much.

In the days leading up to the race my heart did butterflies whenever I thought of it. Afterwards, I cried every time I thought about the race but I didn’t know why. It was like this for four days. As I talked with roommates, my employer, friends and family I slowly started to realize what it was that I was feeling.

The first emotion that I was feeling was disappointment. I set two high goals for myself with this race, to raise $3250 for The Sheridan Story and to break 4 hours while running Grandma’s Marathon. I didn’t achieve either of these things. In my mind, I only raised $2450 and ran the race in 4:16:05. I was disappointed in myself. Not being one to set high expectations for myself, I was let down when I didn’t achieve these. I couldn’t see the whole picture.

The second emotion I was feeling was overwhelmed. In the midst of feeling disappointed I had the people closest to me telling me that they were proud of me. That’s an overwhelming feeling. Even as I write this I have tears in my eyes. Have you ever experienced this? A moment where you feel like you have failed yet in someone else’s eyes you have achieved something unfathomable for them? If you have, you know what I’m feeling. If you haven’t, it is incredibly overwhelming.

Many of the people in my life who are runners run marathons. Having run one, I knew that I could run and finish Grandma’s. I trained hard for it so I even knew that I could run faster than my time at Twin Cities Marathon and maybe even break 4 hours. These were achievable things to me. But not to my friends and family who were with me. My family and friends are fit and athletic people, but running a marathon isn’t something they truly desire to do or can do at this point in their lives. So to them, running a marathon is a big deal.

As for not raising my goal of support for The Sheridan Story, I got stuck in what wasn’t raised instead of what money was raised. Together, we raised $2450! That is a lot of money. And that is enough money to feed NINETEEN kids for A WHOLE YEAR! Do you understand what this means? I didn’t. This is 19 kids who won’t be hungry on the weekends. It also feeds 19 families. It takes away stress from 19 families. It takes away arguments from 19 families. And it creates a more loving and fulfilling family for 19 kids. This is changing lives! And I couldn’t see this. But now I can. And this is huge. And also overwhelming. So while I was disappointed, everyone around me was proud and they helped me to see the accomplishment of what we had done.

As I was talking with my friend Becca about the race, I also realized that I was overwhelmed in general by the number of times people told me they were proud of me. I don’t think I have ever had so many people say this and mean it. It led me to realize that we don’t often verbalize being proud of someone. In training and during the race I had an overwhelming number of people verbalize how proud of me they were. I had support like I never have had before in anything, let alone my running.

My friend Becca said it best.

“Since starting to run, I’ve realized how powerful the support of others is. there is something about verbally expressing support and pride that hits us deep inside. In those moments you know that someone is 100% for you. They are cheering for your success, and you can’t fail. You have people who believe in you and what you are about. They are relentless, and you are safe.”

This is what I was feeling and it is overwhelming, but in the most beautiful way. So while the race was physically challenging the emotional challenges were harder. Who would have thought that the emotions a marathon bring up could be more challenging than the actual marathon itself.

Formally Invited

I went to a women’s conference this Spring with a handful of other women from my church. I walked away overwhelmed by all of the information that had been shared with us but one thing stuck out the most. While having a conversation with one of the women from my church, I realized that I have a lot of space in my life to be connecting with other people. Other than work, my only daily commitment is to do my training runs for Grandma’s Marathon in before or after work.

Most people struggle to find time for other things or people, but I was at a place with extra time. My friend encouraged me to invite people into the things that I am already doing, like running or volunteering, and see where it takes me. I had been wanting to connect with people but had seen it as something on top of what I was already doing, instead of as a part of it.

What did this end up looking like? It meant that I opened myself up to having people with me on my long runs.

I have always been hesitant in having people with me while I run. Running has been something I do alone, primarily because I like to be able to control my pace. In the last 2 years running has also become a time when I am awake yet my thoughts wander uncontrolled. Having been protective of this time for years, it was helpful to see the benefit of having a buddy while running when I was the biker for a friend training for a marathon, prior to entering into this new venture.

I started by posting that I was looking for someone to bike with me while I ran X miles on Saturday morning. The response was overwhelming. I had multiple people eagerly desiring to accompany me while I ran, and I was encouraged that this indeed was something God was calling me to do. I did this for the first two weeks and eventually had people asking me when my next long run was taking place so that they could join me. I never imagined that people would want to do this with me, but they did.

As a result, I have felt more support in training for Grandma’s Marathon than I have before in my running. I have been able to raise awareness for The Sheridan Story than if I had run alone. I have had relationships go deeper, both old and new, than they had been before. I have been able to share the knowledge I have gained while running the last few years with new and non-runners. I have learned new running routes that have later been passed on to other people. I have received encouragement from the people I am running with both regarding my run and in the life choices I am making. All good things.

I apprehensively stepped into inviting people into my life and am now continuing to walk this path with excitement. It started as a challenge from a friend and is now a lifestyle change. I am boldly asking people to join me in what I am doing, but also offering myself to others in the things they are doing.

I learned that most people want to join you in life but are too polite to ask. All they need is a simple invitation.